


Bad Luck in Manhattan

by Cartoon_Idiot_59



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon), The Venture Bros
Genre: Beheading, Gen, Homophobic Language, Racist Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:08:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27862833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartoon_Idiot_59/pseuds/Cartoon_Idiot_59
Summary: The fanfic writer finds herself in the world of the Venture Brothers. Things turn sideways fast.
Relationships: The Order of the Triad - Relationship
Kudos: 1





	Bad Luck in Manhattan

**Author's Note:**

> You notice how Fanfic Girl just disappeared? I give an explanation and introduce my Owl House friends to a world they're probably unfamiliar with.

In the confusion while the fireworks were going off, the escaped prisoners completed their escape. Tiny Nose and Eye Eater took off in different directions. Lisle, the vampire fanfic writer noticed that a door had appeared on the pavement in front of the Conformitorium. She went through it. This proved to be a mistake, Eda the Owl Lady hadn't wanted to manifest it, it just glitched. It shouldn't have been there and it didn't lead to the human realm. At least not the one the cat lady had come from. Lisle found herself surrounded by the biggest buildings she had ever seen. It was the dark of the night, but the pavement she was on flocked with humans. Not a witch or demon to be seen. Weird. She just stood gaping up at the impossible buildings and the impossible people.

A black car slows to park. The Illinois license plate reads “BLD VSSL”. A jeweled cross with a clenched fist at the top serves as a gaudy hood ornament. The car door opens and Jefferson Twilight steps out and sniffs the air. He is dressed in his usual costume, leather coat, open white shirt, purple pants and boots. He has a necklace of Vampire fangs and two katanas strapped to his back. The Alchemist gets out on the other side. He is dressed very differently, with a red and white tracksuit, backwards cap and tinted sunglasses.

"New York, just like I pictured it …skyscrapers and everything." The Alchemist says.

Jefferson groans. "Damn, my blood eye had its freak on since we hit Jersey. Town must be crawling with Blackulas."

"You sure it ain't just allergies? I packed the Claritin."

"What you got, the regular or the D?"

"D."

"Aw, no way, man. Can't do the D. Gives me the jim-jams."

Jefferson and Al carry the corporeal form of Dr. Orpheus out from the backseat of the car towards the Ventech building. Jefferson drops his end and grabs at his left eye. "Damn, Al, you see that? A wooden door just turned up on this glass skyscraper! You can't tell me that's right! My blood eye is killing me!"

The door opened and a woman stepped out with pointy ears, dark skin, black hair in a ponytail, hazel eyes and obvious fangs. She wears a purple shirtdress which bares her shoulders and covers all of her upper arms and about half her forearms. She has a gold band around her neck. She's just standing gaping at the buildings. She's also clearly a Blackula so Jefferson Twilight, Blackula hunter springs into action. Faster than she can blink she has a katana on either side of her neck.

"Gotcha, bloodsucker! Any last words?" JT demands. A book flutters to the sidewalk. 

Lisle is scared to her bones. The warden's guards just drag her to the Conformitorium, they don't usually threaten to cut her head off! As a vampire she could survive, of course, but it really hurts! "I'm not a criminal! I practice the ancient art of fanfiction!" she argues. The blades are starting to bite into her neck, right above her necklace. 

"What?! Undie, Blackula!" Jefferson takes her head off. It rolls to the sidewalk and her body collapses to it's hands and knees.

The Alchemist has picked up the book and is flipping through it. "Hold on, JT. She's telling the truth. She writes fanfic. About food. Also, when's the last time you saw a vampire with ears like that?"

"Cheyenne frontier days. What's ears got to do with it?" Jefferson challenges.

"I don't know! Besides, she doesn't look that black to me." The Alchemist replies.

"I don't make the rules, Al! Anything up to an octoroon is a Blackula. Fucking founding fathers, probably." 

"How come you get pissed when I use that word?"

"Cos it's offensive, Al. Look, the Triad don't use words like nigger, jig, octoroon, queer, faggot, or nancyboy, okay?" Jefferson explains.

"That's us covered, what about Byron?" Al asks.

"We don't call him an overblown drama queen with delusions of grandeur."

"Puh-leeze! Queen? I wouldn't touch him with your dick!"

Lisle's head spoke. "Guys? Can I say something? Look, I know it's weird but the stupid warden just likes to lock people up who don't fit in. Like, I write fanfics of food falling in love. I like food, I like love... Just let me write about it."

"Listen, bloodsucker! I don't give a shit about what you write! I hunt Blackulas! Now be still while I yank those fangs out!" Jefferson rants.

"I hate to sound stupid, but what's a Blackula?" Lisle asks.

Jefferson facepalms. "A black vampire. My mother was murdered by marauding Blackulas when I was ten! You need my whole tragic backstory?"

"You're killing me just because I'm a vampire? Doesn't that seem a little, y'know, unfair? Humans are weird!"

"Yeah, I don't want to be overtaken by an army of unholy undead. Weird. You drink human blood and turn people into monsters!" Jefferson said.

"WHAT?! I haven't even seen a human until I met you guys! Unless cat lady was a human. That'd explain a lot, actually. Besides, I'm a vegetarian." Lisle replies, affronted.

Jefferson was pinching the bridge of his nose. "Right. A vegetarian vampire."

"A vampire can't have an alternative lifestyle?"

"She's got you there, JT." Al put in. He had made some mystical passes in the air and taken the hand of the girl's body. "She's not from here, she's not from the second world, she's from... somewhere else. She seems like a nice kid. Let her be."

"Look, just let me go home!" Lisle entreats.

"Sorry, kid. Door's gone." Al tells her. He picks up her head by the ponytail and hands it to her body. She reattaches it. 

"Thanks. You have no idea how much that stings." She says.

"Look, kid. Some of this is good! I like the one about the carrot and the onion. I don't know where you're from, but you're in New York now. Publishing capital of the world! You might be able to do something with this! JT, let the kid go! Let's find out what Byron dragged us into!" 

"You're sure she won't be trouble, Al?"

"My word as a mystical sage! Let's see if Dean skylarked us again!"

"If he did, I'll murder him myself! I'm goin' to have blue balls in my blood eye all day!" Jefferson complained. They gathered up the corporeal form of Dr. Byron Orpheus from the sidewalk and headed into Ventech Industries.

Lisle never found her way back to the Boiling Isles. She did find a publisher and made a killing selling children's books. As an elegant young vampire she became the darling of the Lower East Side. She never could find a decent supplier of apple blood, though.

**Author's Note:**

> In the original, Jefferson just kills her. That seemed unsatisfactory and short. Although it fits in with the Venture Brothers motif of failure. Also I wanted to give the poor girl a name, so I gave her a variation on her VA. Grey DeLisle gets plenty of work.
> 
> I hope this encourages some of you to check out The Venture Brothers. It's probably the tightest written show on television but the new management at [adult swim] stupidly cancelled it. Doc and Jackson are shopping for a new home.


End file.
